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SECOND READERS' FINAL THOUGHTS

No one said being a Second Reader would be easy.  Here are some of the worst excuses our Second Readers ever received for not turning in a draft.

DR. DAVIS

I'll bet you thought dot matrix printers were a thing of the past.

I was a relatively new instructor at Indiana University, back in the 90s when everyone used dot matrix printers, which hammered out the letters onto a cloth ribbon, a bit like an old-fashioned typewriter. A student named Chance Gradeless (really) turned in a paper that, at first, looked more like the discarded drafts of an art project, with pencil slashings covering the last pages. "What in the world is this?" I asked. He explained that his printer had run out of ribbon half way through the printing, so rather than turn in the paper late, he decided to let it keep hammering out the letters, even though it didn't print any ink. Then, when it was finished, he used a pencil to shade it all in like a brass rubbing. "If you hold it up to the light," he told me, "you can read it in relief." Needless to say, I accepted a revised print-out later in the day.

DR. DEIS

A verbal experiment George Meredith would be proud of.  

Essayevasions

Don'tquitehaveitpleaseextension

Coughedthrewupgrandmother'scourtcase

Wreckedthecarthegirlfriendatemy

Clockstoppedsomycoachadvisedmore

Snowrainsleeticewindtoosunny

Didn'thaveaclueit'sMonday

Leftitlostittrasheditforgotit

ThoughtyouknewI'dgoneouttofindmore

Writemorecheckmorehaditsomewhere

PleaseforgiveIknowIshouldhave

Don'tyouletusgiveusextra

Ohhere'smineIguessIdidit.

Wantitback,ofcourse,tomorrow.

​

DR. VARHOLY

One pancake short of a stack.

While most of the excuses I receive for handing in late work are boringly mundane, a long time ago a student missed a class presentation because he was up most of the night participating in a pancake-eating contest.  He felt too sick in the morning to get out of bed.

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